Bereavement and loss support
Support for a child or young person who is grieving after a death or other major loss, recognising that grief is a normal response and offering age-appropriate help.
✓ Medically reviewed by a GMC-registered consultant · last reviewed September 2026 · next review September 2027 · how we review
In short
- Grief is a normal, healthy response to loss — most grieving children need understanding and steady support, not medical treatment.
- Children grieve differently from adults, often moving in and out of grief and asking the same questions repeatedly; this is age-appropriate and expected.
- Specialist support helps some children — particularly after a sudden, traumatic or complicated loss, or where a child is really struggling — and charities and schools offer a great deal of help.
- If grief brings thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or you fear for a child's safety, get help immediately: 999 or A&E if there is immediate danger; Samaritans 116 123; Papyrus HOPELINE247 0800 068 4141; or text SHOUT to 85258.
A plain-English summary. The detail — including risks and recovery — is below.
At a glance
A general guide. Your psychiatrist will give you advice for your situation.
Reassurance that grief is normal and that there is no single 'right' way to grieve
Routine therapy is not needed, and may not be helpful, for a child who is grieving normally with good support around them.
Shock, strong feelings and many questions are common. Honest information, routine and reassurance help most.
Honest, age-appropriate support that respects the child's pace.
Shock, strong feelings and many questions are common. Honest information, routine and reassurance help most.
Grief comes and goes. Children may seem fine then suddenly upset. School support and charity resources can help.
Bereavement counselling may be offered to help a child express and make sense of their feelings.
After a traumatic loss, or where grief is prolonged and disabling, a more specialist assessment through the GP or...
What is bereavement and loss support for children?
Bereavement and loss support helps a child or young person who is grieving — most often after a death, but sometimes after another major loss such as a serious illness in the family or parents separating. The first and most important message is that grief is a normal, healthy response to loss, not an illness to be cured.
Children grieve just as deeply as adults, but they often show it differently. They may move in and out of grief quickly — upset one moment and playing the next — and they may ask the same questions many times. How a child grieves depends a lot on their age and understanding.
Most grieving children do not need specialist mental-health treatment. What helps most is honest, age-appropriate information, reassurance, and the steady support of the adults around them, along with help from schools and bereavement charities. Specialist support, such as counselling, is helpful for some children, especially after a sudden, traumatic or particularly complicated loss, or where a child is really struggling.
The aim is to support a child through a natural process at their own pace, not to rush them through it or treat normal grief as a problem.
Types, options & approaches
There may be different ways to do this. The right approach depends on the clinical question and your circumstances.
Normal grief vs when extra help may be needed
| Sign | Usually part of grief | May need extra help |
|---|---|---|
| Feelings | Sadness, anger, guilt that come and go | Severe, unrelenting distress |
| Daily life | Coping with support, gradually adjusting | Unable to function over time |
| Safety | No thoughts of self-harm | Thoughts of self-harm or suicide |
There is no 'right' way or timetable to grieve. Seek extra help if a child is really struggling, or if you are at all worried about their safety.
Preparing for your treatment
- Be ready to explain, in honest and age-appropriate words, what has happened, and to repeat it as needed.
- Think about your child's age and understanding, as this shapes how they grieve and what helps.
- Note any changes in sleep, eating, behaviour, school or mood since the loss.
- Tell school what has happened so they can support your child and be flexible.
- Look at reputable children's bereavement charities for guidance and support.
- Include your child's own wishes — some want to talk, some do not, and both are okay.
- Note anything that worries you, especially any signs your child is not safe.
What happens
Support varies with what a child needs. For many families, the most valuable help is guidance for parents and carers on talking honestly about death, answering questions and supporting a child day to day, alongside an understanding school and the resources of bereavement charities.
Where a child is finding grief especially hard, bereavement counselling may help — usually a gentle space to express and understand feelings, sometimes one-to-one and sometimes in a group with other bereaved children.
For a smaller number of children, particularly after a sudden, violent or traumatic death, or where grief becomes prolonged and seriously affects daily life, a more specialist assessment through the GP or CAMHS may be appropriate. Throughout, the aim is to support a normal process, not to medicalise ordinary grief.
Is this treatment right for me?
A good consultation should explore whether it's the right choice for you now — including reasons to wait or consider something else.
May not be suitable if…
- Routine therapy is not needed, and may not be helpful, for a child who is grieving normally with good support around them.
- It is not a substitute for urgent help if a child is in crisis or at risk of harm.
- Pushing a child to talk or 'process' grief before they are ready is not appropriate.
- It will not suit families expecting support to remove grief or set a timetable for it.
Delay or rearrange if…
- A child is in crisis or at immediate risk — seek urgent help first.
- A child clearly does not want to talk yet and would do better with gentle, steady support at home for now.
- There is a safeguarding concern that needs addressing first.
- The family has not yet been able to give honest, age-appropriate information, which often comes first.
Alternatives to discuss
- Honest, age-appropriate information and steady support from family.
- Free support from reputable children's bereavement charities and from school.
- An NHS route through the GP or CAMHS if grief becomes complicated.
- Support for any specific difficulty, such as sleep, anxiety or low mood.
Before you decide
Use this as a shared-decision checklist. The aim is not just “can this be done?”, but whether it is right for you, now, with the risks and alternatives clearly understood.
What matters most to me?
Think about symptoms, daily life, work, caring responsibilities, sport, fertility, travel, appearance and anxiety — the right choice depends on your priorities, not just the medical facts.
What are all my options?
Ask about waiting, monitoring, medicines, rehabilitation, a smaller or larger procedure, a different test, NHS referral, or a second opinion where that would help.
What would make me pause?
Active infection, pregnancy, unstable medical problems, smoking, medicines that increase bleeding, poor support at home, or feeling pressured are all reasons to slow down and get tailored advice.
What happens if I do nothing today?
For some problems, waiting is safe; for others, delay can make treatment harder. A good consultation should explain the trade-off in plain English.
Benefits
- Reassurance that grief is normal and that there is no single 'right' way to grieve
- Honest, age-appropriate information that helps a child understand what has happened
- Steady support from family, school and charities
- A safe space to express difficult feelings where a child needs it
- Early help if grief becomes especially complicated or a child is really struggling
- Attention to safety where there is any concern
Risks & complications
- Grief is painful, and support eases coping rather than removing the pain
- Children may revisit the loss many times, including at later ages
- Feelings can come and go unpredictably, which can be confusing for families
- Normal grief being mistaken for a mental illness and over-treated
- A struggling child being missed because they seem to be 'coping'
- Counselling that does not suit a particular child or comes too soon
- Prolonged, disabling grief, or depression, going unrecognised
- Risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts not being picked up
The main things to avoid are treating normal grief as an illness and, at the other extreme, missing a child who is seriously struggling. Watch for grief that stays severe and disabling over time, signs of depression, or any thoughts of self-harm. If you are worried, ask for a proper assessment, and seek urgent help if you ever fear for your child's safety.
Published figures to discuss
Grief is a normal response, not a disorder, so it does not have meaningful 'success' or complication rates. Most children adjust over time with support; a minority develop prolonged, disabling grief or depression, but how often this happens varies with the type of loss, the child and their support. We have not given numerical rates here, both because grief is not an illness to be cured and because any figure could misleadingly suggest a normal process has gone 'wrong'.
| Figure | Reported range | How to interpret it | Source / confidence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Normal grief pathologised | Common pitfall | Sadness, anger, questions, playfulness and waves of emotion can all be normal grief reactions in children. | Guide sourcesClinical context |
| Traumatic grief, depression or PTSD missed | Important when symptoms persist or intensify | Nightmares, avoidance, guilt, functional collapse or persistent wish to die need specialist assessment. | NHS — Children and bereavementnhs.ukSource-linked context |
| Safeguarding or family instability missed | Context-dependent | The death may change housing, care, finances or safety; support should consider the whole family. | NHS — Children and bereavementnhs.ukSource-linked context |
| Support not matched to developmental stage | Common | Young children, adolescents and neurodivergent children understand loss differently and need different explanations. | Guide sourcesClinical context |
These are literature figures, not a personalised prediction. Your own risks and likely benefits depend on your circumstances, your health, and how your care is carried out and followed up.
What happens afterwards
Grief is not something to 'recover from' on a timetable. 'Afterwards' is about supporting your child through a natural process at their own pace, and getting extra help if they are really struggling.
- Strong feelings — sadness, anger, guilt or worry — that come and go
- Moving quickly between grief and ordinary play or activities
- Asking the same questions, or wanting the story retold, many times
- Grief resurfacing at birthdays, anniversaries or new milestones
Aftercare
- Be honest and age-appropriate, and answer questions as often as your child needs.
- Keep routines as steady as possible, which helps children feel safe.
- Let your child grieve in their own way and at their own pace, without pushing.
- Tell school, and agree how they will support and be flexible with your child.
- Use reputable children's bereavement charities for guidance and support.
- Watch mood over time, and seek help if your child is really struggling or seems depressed.
- Keep the crisis numbers to hand and use them if you are ever worried about your child's safety.
- An honest, age-appropriate explanation prepared
- Notes on changes in sleep, eating, behaviour, school or mood
- School informed and a supportive plan agreed
- Reputable bereavement charity resources identified
- Your child's own wishes about talking respected
- Anything worrying about safety noted
- Crisis numbers and any clinic contact saved
⚠ Get urgent help if…
- Any talk of suicide, self-harm or wanting to join the person who died — get help immediately (999 or A&E if there is immediate danger; Samaritans 116 123; Papyrus HOPELINE247 0800 068 4141; text SHOUT to 85258)
- Grief that stays severe and disabling, with no easing over a long period
- Signs of depression — persistent low mood, withdrawal, loss of interest in everything
- Not eating or sleeping, or a marked change in weight
- Long-lasting guilt, or a belief they caused the death
- Using alcohol or drugs, or risky behaviour, to cope with feelings
Who to contact: your clinician, clinic or test provider first (keep their number to hand). For urgent advice when you can't reach them, call NHS 111. In an emergency, call 999.
General guidance — it doesn't replace the specific advice your psychiatrist gives you.
Results & realistic expectations
A good outcome is a child who feels supported and able to grieve in their own way, who understands what has happened in age-appropriate terms, and who can gradually carry on with everyday life while still remembering the person they lost.
Support does not, and should not, aim to remove grief or speed it up. Grief has no fixed timetable, and children often revisit a loss as they grow. The aim is a child who copes and adjusts with the right support, and who gets extra help if grief becomes especially hard.
Grief changes over time rather than simply ending, and children often understand and feel a loss in new ways as they get older — for example at milestones the person has missed. Support given now helps, but it is normal for grief to resurface later, and further help can be sought whenever it is needed.
Related tests, treatments or support
Bereavement support often sits alongside help for anxiety, low mood, sleep problems, or trauma where a death was sudden or frightening. Where a loss has affected the whole family, support for parents and carers, and a flexible approach at school, are part of the picture.
Follow-up & long-term care
Follow-up depends on need — it may be ongoing support from a charity or school, a course of counselling, or review through the GP or CAMHS where grief is complicated. The plan should be flexible, recognising that a child may need support again at different times.
- Continued, steady support from family and school
- Remembering the person in ways that suit your child, including at anniversaries
- Watching for signs of depression or prolonged, disabling grief over time
- A route back to support as your child grows and revisits the loss
Repeat, follow-on and what comes next
- A child may need support again at later ages as they understand the loss in new ways.
- Grief that seemed to be easing can resurface at anniversaries or milestones.
- If grief becomes prolonged or disabling, a more specialist assessment may be needed.
- The type of support (information, counselling, specialist help) may change with the child's needs.
Ask what happens if the result is unclear or needs repeating, and what is included if further tests or follow-up are needed.
What good aftercare looks like
- Honest, age-appropriate support that respects the child's pace.
- A named contact and clear signposting to charities and school support.
- Watching over time for prolonged grief or depression.
- A flexible plan, recognising a child may need support again later.
- A clear safety plan and crisis numbers if there is any concern.
What affects the cost
Costs vary a great deal between people and providers, and we don't publish prices. What matters is understanding what drives the cost and making sure your quote is complete. The main things that affect it:
- Whether support is from a charity or school (often free) or private counselling
- The number and length of counselling sessions, if used
- The qualifications and experience of the counsellor or clinician
- Whether one-to-one or group support is provided
- Whether family support or school liaison is included
- Whether a more specialist assessment is needed for complicated grief
- The counsellor's or clinician's fee and qualifications
- What is included (assessment, sessions, family support)
- Whether the support is one-to-one or group, and how many sessions
- Whether free charity or school support might meet your child's needs first
- How progress and need are reviewed
- What happens, and who to contact, if your child's mental health worsens
On the NHS? Much bereavement support for children comes from charities and schools, which are often free; the NHS, through the GP and CAMHS, helps when grief becomes complicated or a child develops a mental-health difficulty.
You're entitled to your total cost in writing — including reports, follow-up and what happens if the result is inconclusive — before you decide.
Consent traps and marketing red flags
These are not small details. They are often where patients lose choice, time to reflect, or realistic expectations.
Consent traps
- Treating normal grief as a mental illness that must be 'treated'.
- Not explaining that grief has no fixed timetable and varies between children.
- Pushing counselling on a child who is grieving healthily with good support.
- Not being clear about who provides support and who sees any notes.
- Not agreeing what signs should prompt more help, or a clear crisis plan.
Marketing red flags
- Promising to help a child 'get over' grief quickly or on a schedule.
- Selling therapy as necessary for every grieving child.
- Using unqualified counsellors or unproven techniques with bereaved children.
- Medicalising normal grief or recommending medication for it.
- Ignoring the free, high-quality support that charities and schools provide.
Choosing a specialist safely
- Check the psychiatrist is on the GMC Specialist Register for this area.
- Make sure they work at a CQC-registered service, and look for membership of the relevant Royal College or professional body.
- You're entitled to time to consider and to have your questions answered before you agree — the psychiatrist who looks after you should explain it, not a salesperson.
- Be wary of pressure: time-limited offers or deposits taken before you've had time to think are red flags, not bargains.
- You're entitled to your total cost in writing — including any follow-up — before you decide.
Questions to ask your medical professional
Take this to your consultation. A good psychiatrist will welcome every one of these.
- Is what my child is feeling a normal part of grief, or a sign they need more help?
- What can I do at home to support my child through this?
- Would bereavement counselling help my child, and when is the right time?
- How can school support my child, and how flexible can they be?
- Which reputable charities or services would you recommend?
- What signs should make me seek more help, and who do I contact in a crisis?
- Are you on the GMC Specialist Register for this area, and which Royal College or professional body are you a member of?
- Will you be the psychiatrist who carries out my treatment, and who looks after me afterwards?
- What are the risks for someone like me, and how often do your own patients have a problem or need it repeated or redone?
- What does a realistic result look like — and what can this treatment not achieve?
- What are my options, including waiting, doing nothing for now, or choosing a different approach?
- Can I have written information, results and aftercare instructions in a format I can use, including any accessibility or communication support I need?
- What is the total cost in writing, including any follow-ups, and how much time do I have to decide?
Frequently asked questions
Does my grieving child need counselling or therapy?
Is it normal that my child seems fine one minute and upset the next?
Should I tell my child the truth about the death?
Where can I get support?
How long will my child grieve?
When should I be worried?
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How we made this page
Medically reviewed by a GMC-registered consultant. Written in plain English, checked against NHS, NICE, GMC and relevant Royal College / specialist-society guidance, and kept under review. No clinic paid to appear on this page, and we publish no pricing. This is general information to help you prepare — it is not a substitute for advice from your own clinician. How we review our guides →
Source hierarchy: UK regulator and NHS/NICE guidance first, then relevant Royal College or specialist-society guidance, then peer-reviewed evidence for procedure-specific figures where available.
Sources & standards: NHS — Children and bereavement Child Bereavement UK — Supporting bereaved children and young people Winston's Wish — Childhood bereavement support YoungMinds — Grief and loss (parents' guide)
Reviews reflect patients' experience of care, not clinical outcomes. For procedure volumes and outcome data see PHIN.
Last medically reviewed 2026-09-21. Spotted something wrong or out of date? Report an error in this guide.
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